Through discussion with members over a twelve-year period, Mavar has come to understand some of the challenges faced by those who come for support. This reflective piece is based on anonymised member interviews and examines the experiences of people who leave or seriously question membership of strictly Orthodox (Charedi) Jewish communities.
The study found that leaving is rarely a sudden event. Instead, it is usually a long, gradual, emotionally complex process involving questioning, doubt, secrecy, identity change and eventual adaptation to a new life.
Many individuals who leave face significant practical, emotional, educational and social disadvantages because they have often been raised in highly insulated environments with limited exposure to wider society. The study concludes that support services are urgently needed to help individuals navigate this transition safely and successfully.
The main challenges faced by those exploring or leaving are:
A lack of Secular Education
Many members reported receiving little or no secular education, particularly in English language skills, Mathematics, Science, career preparation, or further education.
This created substantial barriers when attempting to enter employment, further education, or university. Some described being unable to access mainstream education because they lacked the necessary qualifications and foundational knowledge.
The impact caused by this could include reduced employment opportunities, financial insecurity, difficulty entering further education, and dependence on support organisations.
Loss of Family and Community Support
One of the most consistent themes was the fear or reality of losing relationships. Members reported a variety of issues, such as rejection by parents, loss of friendships, ostracism from community networks, being disowned, reduced contact with siblings, and some custody disputes involving children.
Some described family relationships becoming superficial or conditional upon maintaining religious observance.
The impact caused by this could include loneliness, isolation, depression, loss of practical support networks, loss of self-worth, and loss of purpose in life.
Identity Crisis and Cultural Disorientation
Many described feeling like immigrants entering a foreign country.
Mavar members felt they frequently lacked knowledge of mainstream culture, knowledge of social norms, understanding of relationships, understanding of sexuality, and the confidence to make independent decisions.
Several described feeling as though they had “two personalities” or were living a “double life” during transition.
The impact caused by this could include feelings of anxiety, confusion, low confidence, difficulty integrating into wider society, and being more vulnerable than others who had experienced a secular UK upbringing.
Mental Health Challenges
The transition was frequently described as lonely, frightening, stressful, and confusing.
Several members reported suicidal thoughts, severe anxiety, depression, and felt they had had an emotional breakdown.
Many felt there was nobody they could speak to safely during the questioning phase.
Financial Hardship
For members, leaving their original community often meant losing financial support from both family and community.
Members often described experiences including homelessness, poverty, lack of educational funding, and struggling to afford basic necessities.
Some reported shoplifting food or stealing to survive during transition.
Relationship and Parenting Challenges
Members reported that particular challenges included custody disputes, co-parenting across different religious worldviews, fear of losing access to children, and pressure to maintain religious appearances for family reasons.
Women in particular reported difficulties maintaining relationships with children after leaving.
Reasons Given for Leaving
Mavar members identified multiple, often overlapping reasons.
Intellectual and Cognitive Reasons
Many members began questioning religious teachings when they encountered secular subjects such as Science, Philosophy, History, or alternative viewpoints.
Examples included questions about the age of the earth, lack of satisfactory answers from religious authorities, and perceived contradictions between evidence and religious teachings.
Members often described a gradual loss of faith as a result of these contradictions.
Desire for Greater Personal Freedom
Many described community life as controlling, restrictive, highly regulated, and non-compromising.
Examples included a perceived pressure to marry, prescribed life paths, and strict behavioural expectations with no flexibility or personal choice. There was a reported lack of accommodation for individual needs, and several members described feeling trapped or unable to live authentically.
Abuse and Trauma
Some members reported a combination of physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, domestic abuse, and financial abuse.
Others described traumatic events such as bereavement that led them to question religious beliefs.
Gender Inequality
A number of female members cited restrictions placed on women (but not on men), limited opportunities, unequal treatment, and community expectations regarding marriage and motherhood.
Some felt women’s education and opportunities were deliberately limited.
Sexual Orientation
Several members identified as LGBTQ+.
They reported feeling unable to live openly, experiencing pressure to conform or reject their sexuality, and feeling rejected themselves because of their sexuality.
For these individuals, leaving often involved both religious and personal identity transitions.
Educational and Social Factors
Participants frequently reported frustration with educational limitations, restricted access to information, lack of preparation for adult life, and limited exposure to wider society.
Exposure to books, libraries, higher education and the internet frequently accelerated questioning.
Factors That Helped People Leave Successfully
The strongest protective factor was having at least one supportive person.
This included parents, siblings, teachers, friends, partners, and mentors.
The internet and peer support groups also played a significant role by providing information and reducing isolation.
Member feedback strongly supported the need for services such as those Mavar provides.
Mavar members specifically identified a need for:
Practical Support including temporary housing, education support, functional skills, employment support, and career guidance.
Emotional Support including mentoring, counselling, peer support groups, Helplines, and how to understand a low-control society, and personal choice and responsibility.
Social Integration Support including understanding mainstream culture, building confidence, relationship skills, and independent living skills.
Family Support including support for families experiencing transition, mediation where appropriate, and information and guidance.
Digital Support including online communities, information resources, and confidential support services.
The strongest conclusion from members is that the greatest challenge is often not the decision to question or leave, but the absence of structured support afterwards.
Members repeatedly told us that people leaving highly insulated or controlled communities face loss of identity, loss of support networks, educational disadvantage, employment barriers, Mental health pressures, and increased vulnerability, and that culturally informed support services are essential if individuals are to transition safely and successfully.