Beyond the Charedi community
I want to learn about the world outside the Charedi community. Am I alone?
You are not alone. Mavar has supported many people within the Charedi community who also want to learn about the world outside – to understand what it offers and to explore aspects of their personality that they cannot do within the community.
Why do some Charedim want to explore the outside world, go ‘off the derech’ or leave the community?
There are many reasons: to get an education for themselves or their children; to find a new career or employment in the wider community; to develop talents and interests that they cannot develop within the community, or to leave orthodox Judaism. Some might identify as reverse marranos, apikoros, heretics, Charedi rebels or see themselves as ‘formerly frum’. Others choose to stay frum but want to live in the wider world; and some choose to live within the Charedi community whilst exploring wider interests. Everyone has their own journey.
Does Mavar support people who want to stay frum?
Absolutely. You can be as religious or irreligious as you choose. We’re here to support people who want to connect with the wider world and who want to have wider options than they currently have, for themselves or for their children. We have no mission whatsoever of encouraging people to become less religious.
If I want to explore the outside world, do I have to live a double life or leave the community?
Not necessarily, but exploring the outside world is not approved by the community. Some Charedim live in relationships that allow them to explore the outside world. Others feel that they must do so entirely in secret. Mavar exists to support you in whichever choice you make.
I feel intimidated by the outside world – it seems so strange. I don’t know where to begin.
The range of options in the secular world can be overwhelming even for those who have been brought up in it. It can be exciting, fulfilling and liberating but it can also be disappointing and lonely. Knowing where to begin is a real challenge. Mavar is here to help.
Where do I begin?
How do I contact Mavar?
You can call Alex or Jo on the Mavar Hotline: 020 8144 5074. Because the hotline is not staffed at all times, it would be helpful if you could leave a message – but you don’t have to. If you’re comfortable leaving us your telephone number we’ll do our best to call you back at the time you request, always texting you first . Alternatively, you can email firstname.lastname@example.org , or make contact via the website’s live chat box (the blue one on this page) which is anonymous.
Mavar will treat your call with complete confidentiality and impartiality, and you will not have to give your real name if you prefer not to.
Is there a chance that people will know that I have contacted Mavar?
No. Mavar will not share your identity or personal information with any individual or organisation. Our service is completely confidential. You can use a pseudonym (false name) if you like.
What will happen next?
When you contact Mavar one of our staff will listen to you and try to understand what you are looking for. When you are ready and based on your wishes, you will be offered a mentor from London or Mavar North, whom you can meet in person (at a discrete location) or speak to over the telephone or internet. Your mentor will coordinate all the support you receive. Together, you and your mentor will decide where and how often to speak or meet.
I am under 18 years old. Can you help me?
We’re happy to have a telephone or email chat with you if you are 16 or 17, and can provide information and website links through our online resource packs. However, in the main, we are not able to offer 1 to 1 support to young people under the age of 18, other than in exceptional circumstances. The extent to which you can access a Mavar mentor or other services will depend on a number of issues, and these will be judged on a case by case basis.
If you are under 16 years old you are a minor – in effect a child under the supervision of your parents. There are specific laws that cover services to minors and, as a result, Mavar cannot support you.
Exploring the outside world
How do I begin to explore the outside world?
The internet is the most common way to begin to explore the outside world and to connect with others in the Charedi community who are doing the same. There are many active Facebook groups where people go for support, and other websites with reading material and videos. A word of warning – if you are worried about revealing your identity, be careful when going online not to give away information about yourself.
In the appendix to this documents there is a list of interesting websites and organisations that can assist you in a variety of ways.
If I choose to leave the community
How will I make friends if I leave the community?
Mavar can put you in touch with a volunteer from our Under 35s Social Network. He/she will get to know you and will suggest activities and social events that may suit you and, if you like, can go along with you the first time. There are also families we can introduce you to who will happily provide some home hospitality. If you like, we can introduce you to other ex-Charedim who have gone through a similar experience. It is not an easy journey – it can be stressful and lonely at times, but the wider Jewish community is here to support and welcome you, both within and beyond Mavar. Many other Charedim have made the journey successfully and have developed good networks.
I have a family. Will I be able to retain a relationship with my children if I choose to leave the community?
The Charedi community may act quickly to prevent you from seeing your children or to limit your access to them. The community may regard you as a bad influence who must be prevented from spending time with your children. You need to be prepared for this situation, both legally – to address questions of access and custody – and psychologically for the challenging emotional journey you will be on.
Mavar’s resource packs provide basic information about a range of services including your legal rights in relation to your children. Our Divorce Guide also outlines the processes and procedures involved in divorce, and your mentor can link you up with a family law advisor if relevant. We can also refer you to a counsellor if you’d like to talk to someone about your emotional well-being.